So I am personally opposed to cremation for Jews. The theology that has developed within me over my life is such that I find cremation to be at least problematic if not outright wrong. With that in mind, I was recently approached (as in about 15 minutes ago) to officiate at a cremation funeral. I had asked for the opportunity to officiate a funeral or two while I was here, since it is something I have never had to do before and feel like it is an important area to gain some experience. So my colleagues thought that I would welcome this opportunity, especially because the situation is one that is relatively straight forward (the death was expected, no known family issues, etc.).
I had about 10 minutes to make a decision, during which time I spoke with the senior rabbi here. I felt a bit pressured to take on the funeral. Whether the pressue was real or imagined is, of course, impossible to tell. Regardless, I felt a certain amount of pressue to accept the funeral, as it was 'offered' to me largely because of my standing request to have more experience.
I decided to do the funeral.
Why?
Aside from any 'peer pressure' that may have been there, in the end I decided that it is not fair for me to express my distaste for cremation or the accompanying service if I have never actually done one. In some ways, I am taking this on to reinforce my beliefs. Having actually done a service like this, I would be able to say with greater authority that I find them problematic (or worse).
Despite this rather creative act of rationalization, I can't help but feel like a hypocrite and a sell out. Is this the kind of rabbi I'm going to be? The kind that caves in to communal pressure this easily? I feel like shit about it to be honest. I feel like I have let myself down. I like to think that I'll take some sort of lesson from this whole exprience, that it will teach me how crappy it makes me feel to give up my priciples. On the other hand, maybe it will just show me how much easier it can be to have no spine.
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Scott, to paraphrase Khalil Gibran, -In order to know Joy, one must also know sorrow- Hence, my saying "Happiness is a sad man's rebellion". Your undertaking of a cremation funeral is what the sages would say was the wise thing to do. You don't know that you don't like big girls until you have known a big girl and a lean girl in comparison. It is like a child saying "I don't like pistachio encrusted halibut served with a side of morel risotto and local fresh garden picked asparagus" without having tasted the phenomenal epicurean delight. Scott, you will make a wonderful Rabbi because as it is your duty to teach it is thusly your obligation to learn. Shalom Aleikum, Nixon
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