This is the sermon I gave this past Friday (June 22). It has not been altered to fit your screen nor has it been edited for content. Special thanks to Rabbi Joel Simon who let me mooch some of his ideas.
A man is out in the woods when he comes across a bear. Frightened for his life, he runs as fast as he can to escape the bear and hides in a cave. He is horrified to find that the bear has run after him into the cave, and now the man is trapped. He closes his eyes and begins to recite "Sh'ma Yisrael" in anticipation of his final moments. When he is finished, he opens his eyes and is surprised to see the bear in front of him with his eyes closed - also praying. The man thinks to himself "how lucky am I to be cornered by what must be the only Jewish bear! We're mishpocheh - I'm saved!" And then he listens more carefully to the bear's prayer "hamotzi lechem minhaaretz"
Whether or not you found this particular joke funny, we cannot deny the place of humor and laughter in Jewish tradition. There have been many proposals as to why Jews seem to always be involved in the comedic arts, no matter what the circumstances. In my opinion, the best explanation comes from a very unlikely source, American novelist Tom Robbins. In his book “Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climate” (yes that is actually the name of the book), one of the main characters talks about laughter as a physical force and that one can “fashion a shield out of laughter.” This is essentially what Jews have done; we have used laughter as a means of protecting ourselves emotionally and spiritually even in the most difficult situations. There may be no better example of this than a poem written by Rikle Glaser, a prisoner of the Vilna Ghetto:
The Jewish laughter
Contains so much pain.
When weeping is of no help,
One laughs as much as he can,
Although the heart would cry with pain.
We are laughing
As long as we will live
Let your laughter sound far.
So hope the time is near,
When you will laugh
From the depth of your heart always.
Laughter has power. One might argue that the importance of humor and laughter in Jewish laugh is only a modern development; however even in the Talmud we find evidence of laughter’s importance. We read in Tractate Ta'anit the story of the Amora, Rabi Beroka.[1] Rabi Beroka used to frequent the shuk at Bei Lefet. Elijah the prophet would often appear to him, and Rabi Beroka once asked him if there was anyone in the marketplace destined for Olam ha-ba, the world to come. Elijah pointed out three people in the shuk who were assured of this eternal reward. One was a man who had no tzitzit, and appeared not to be Jewish. Rabi Beroka was surprised and asked the man what he did. He found that the man was a jail guard who risked his life to save Jewish women who were at risk of attack from their non-Jewish oppressors. He also hid his Jewishness from these oppressors so that they would tell him of upcoming decrees against the Jews so that he could notify Jewish leaders and work to annul the decrees. Elijah then pointed to two other men who were guaranteed a place in olam ha-ba. Rabi Beroka asked the two men, “what do you do?” to which they replied, אנשי בדוחי אנן, מבדחינן עציבי, we are comedians, and we cheer up those who are depressed. Making people laugh is comparable, according to the Talmud, with saving lives!
The rabbis were way ahead of their time on this one. More and more scientific and medical studies are being published that show that laughter can in fact make us healthier in general and in some cases help fight serious illness. Researchers at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore, have discovered laughter can help keep your heart healthy. Dr. Michael Miller, indicated people should combine regular exercise with 15 minutes of laughter a day for good cardiovascular health. "It is conceivable that laughing may be important to maintain a healthy endothelium, and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease," said Miller. The initial results of a five-year study at the School of Medicine, University of California Los Angeles (UCLA), show that regular injections of humour are particularly beneficial for children with cancer and Aids. Increasingly, studies are demonstrating that laughter and humour boost immunity, diminish pain and help people deal with the stress of life. Just a few fun experiences a week will elevate feel-good serotonin levels and help boost your immune system and improve your health. With this in mind, I would like for all of us to take a moment and turn to the person next to you and tell them a joke, or do something to try and make them laugh. Go ahead.
A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"
As we enter into Shabbat and beyond, may we find many opportunities to laugh, chuckle, giggle, snicker, hoot, snort, cackle, chortle and guffaw and may our shields of laughter be strong
[1] Ta'anit 22a
Monday, June 25, 2007
Hot Mustard, Mexican Shabbat, Earl Grey and more!!
So as indicated by the title, this is another collection of thoughts and experiences from the past few days.
I have gotten used to things in the states that advertise themselves as "spicy" and/or "hot" to be generally relatively unimpressive spice-wise. Despite this, spicy mustard is currently my favorite condiment, so when I saw a jar of English Hot Mustard in the store, I figured it was worth purchasing. Since American "hot" is generally not-so-much, I figured how much the more so for English "hot", since the Brits are not exactly renowned for their spice. So I made a sandwich, slathering my bread with the mustard, and took a big tasty bite, upon which I discovered
FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE IN MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING MY TOUNGE IS SCALDED!! AAUUGGHH!!!
Yes, aparently English Hot Mustard is indeed HOT. So much so that I found myself spitting out the sandwich bite and sticking my poor tongue into a cup of cold water (which didn't help) and afterwards pacing around my kitchen doing the sharp inhalation thing people do when they eat something right out of the oven or anytime something is too hot.
In my infinate wisdom, I figured I would get rid of one piece of bread and eat the sandwich in a folded up kind of way, making sure to take smaller bites. Unfortunately I discovered my infinite wisdom does not extend to sandwich eating, and I once again bit off more than I could chew, literally, and had to repeat the above mentioned process, minus the tongue in the water. I eventually finished the sandwich w/o bread (although I'm not sure it still qualifies as a sandwich) and have since been very wary of how much of this toxin I put on any sandwich I have made since.
This past Friday night the main synagogue in Melbourne, Temple Beth Israel, we had "Shabbat Alive" which is their version of "Friday Night Live" or "Rock Shabbat" or whatever its called in your town. It was pretty cheesy. Why do so many of these Friday night services end up being anything but "rock"? Can people not handle a service that isn't centered around Debbie Friedman songs? Ugh. Anyways, following the service there was a 'Young Adults Dinner'. They have this once a month, and it is prepared by volunteers who choose a theme for the food. This week was Mexican Cantina (it is kind of funny because Mexican food is hard to come by around here, but Malaysian food, or Dutch-Indonesian fusian is avaiable on most blocks). I was a bit apprehensive about what the results would be, but it turned out well, largely because I had no part in the cooking.
Saturday night I had my first real "going out" kind of night. One of my co-workers who is around my age, her fiance and a bunch of their peeps were going to hear some music and invited me along. The bar was super cool, it had a nice cozy feel to it and Guiness on draft so I was quickly won over. Sadly I can't say the same for the musicians. There were three solo performers, all of whom played guitar and sang songs that surely had some sort of deep and/or tragic meaning that I didn't get. They were all okay, but kind of boring. The 'main' performer of the night was some dude who goes by Earl Grey but he was not nearly as good as the tea whose name he stole.
I don't know so much about the situation, but I have heard that there are a set of parents who got sentenced to two years in jail for serving alcohol in their home to their sixteen year old son and a few of his friends. Unless there is some major piece of information about this story that I am missing, this is horseshit. I think this is something that should be applauded and copied. Kids are going to drink. So rather than having teenagers drinking in parks or unsupervised parties, and then (often) getting in the car and driving somewhere, we should encourage parents who are willing, to open their homes for their kids and their friends so that there is at least some level of supervision and control. Instead, we are punishing people who are actually trying to show some common sense and understanding of reality. But then again, when has the US government been interested in either of those things (see: war on drugs). It is interesting to see how it is treated over here. All the people I have heard talk about it on the news think the whole thing is rediculous, including the 21 year old drinking age. You've gotta figure we'll learn one of these days...right?
I'm sure there are other things for me to bitch about, but I'll spare you for now. So until next time, take care and be in touch!!
Peace.
Segal
I have gotten used to things in the states that advertise themselves as "spicy" and/or "hot" to be generally relatively unimpressive spice-wise. Despite this, spicy mustard is currently my favorite condiment, so when I saw a jar of English Hot Mustard in the store, I figured it was worth purchasing. Since American "hot" is generally not-so-much, I figured how much the more so for English "hot", since the Brits are not exactly renowned for their spice. So I made a sandwich, slathering my bread with the mustard, and took a big tasty bite, upon which I discovered
FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE IN MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING MY TOUNGE IS SCALDED!! AAUUGGHH!!!
Yes, aparently English Hot Mustard is indeed HOT. So much so that I found myself spitting out the sandwich bite and sticking my poor tongue into a cup of cold water (which didn't help) and afterwards pacing around my kitchen doing the sharp inhalation thing people do when they eat something right out of the oven or anytime something is too hot.
In my infinate wisdom, I figured I would get rid of one piece of bread and eat the sandwich in a folded up kind of way, making sure to take smaller bites. Unfortunately I discovered my infinite wisdom does not extend to sandwich eating, and I once again bit off more than I could chew, literally, and had to repeat the above mentioned process, minus the tongue in the water. I eventually finished the sandwich w/o bread (although I'm not sure it still qualifies as a sandwich) and have since been very wary of how much of this toxin I put on any sandwich I have made since.
This past Friday night the main synagogue in Melbourne, Temple Beth Israel, we had "Shabbat Alive" which is their version of "Friday Night Live" or "Rock Shabbat" or whatever its called in your town. It was pretty cheesy. Why do so many of these Friday night services end up being anything but "rock"? Can people not handle a service that isn't centered around Debbie Friedman songs? Ugh. Anyways, following the service there was a 'Young Adults Dinner'. They have this once a month, and it is prepared by volunteers who choose a theme for the food. This week was Mexican Cantina (it is kind of funny because Mexican food is hard to come by around here, but Malaysian food, or Dutch-Indonesian fusian is avaiable on most blocks). I was a bit apprehensive about what the results would be, but it turned out well, largely because I had no part in the cooking.
Saturday night I had my first real "going out" kind of night. One of my co-workers who is around my age, her fiance and a bunch of their peeps were going to hear some music and invited me along. The bar was super cool, it had a nice cozy feel to it and Guiness on draft so I was quickly won over. Sadly I can't say the same for the musicians. There were three solo performers, all of whom played guitar and sang songs that surely had some sort of deep and/or tragic meaning that I didn't get. They were all okay, but kind of boring. The 'main' performer of the night was some dude who goes by Earl Grey but he was not nearly as good as the tea whose name he stole.
I don't know so much about the situation, but I have heard that there are a set of parents who got sentenced to two years in jail for serving alcohol in their home to their sixteen year old son and a few of his friends. Unless there is some major piece of information about this story that I am missing, this is horseshit. I think this is something that should be applauded and copied. Kids are going to drink. So rather than having teenagers drinking in parks or unsupervised parties, and then (often) getting in the car and driving somewhere, we should encourage parents who are willing, to open their homes for their kids and their friends so that there is at least some level of supervision and control. Instead, we are punishing people who are actually trying to show some common sense and understanding of reality. But then again, when has the US government been interested in either of those things (see: war on drugs). It is interesting to see how it is treated over here. All the people I have heard talk about it on the news think the whole thing is rediculous, including the 21 year old drinking age. You've gotta figure we'll learn one of these days...right?
I'm sure there are other things for me to bitch about, but I'll spare you for now. So until next time, take care and be in touch!!
Peace.
Segal
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Hair today, gone tomorrow
So after two years of no haircuts, I had decided in theory to cut my hair. I say in theory, because actually getting myself to get up and go do it was not quite so easy. Wednesday is my day off, and so I had set yesterday as the big day, but found myself hesitating. Those of you who have grown your hair for any length of time can understand my concern, two years of 'work' wiped away in an instant is not something to take lightly. After an hour or so of internal pep talks, I decided to take the plunge and to make a bit of a ceremony out of it. First I went out for a 'good-bye' lunch, during which time I let the hair hang free of its usual ponytail contraint. Since the last time I had my hair cut was in Jerusalem, I felt it was fitting to make its 'last super' falalfel and humus (at the Israeli run cafe of course). After this, it was time to seek out the barber/stylist worthy of this momentous occassion. The first two places I went to were both booked up for the day. Fearing that if I didn't get it done I would lose my nerve, I persevered and found a place that had an opening. I walked in and sat down and the guy says, "so you want I cut your hair?" I said, "yeah, but I want to try and donate it, so if you could just cut it off at the ponytail and then do something with the rest that would be great." He replied, "so, I cut your hair?" It was at this moment that I was overcome with the feeling that this was not the right scene for this heart-rending endeavor, so I jumped out of the chair and bolted (I should have known better than to trust this to a place called 'Cruzin Cutz'). Now mildly distraught, I wondered if this wasn't some sort of Divine whisper telling me to keep the hair, but as I walked down the street, I discovered the "Ofir MeOded" salon, wherein a man with hair very similar to mine appeared to be working. I went inside, and discovered 1. they had an opening, 2. the guy was Israeli and 3. he understood exactly what I wanted. So this is what I looked like at the beginning of this process
Can you sense the trepedation, the inner-turmoil, the deep theological conflict? No? Well neither can I. Anyhoo, the stylist Ofir and his assistant Nicole were very sweet (Nicole was the photographer) and made me feel very comfortable. Ofir explained that if I was going to donate my hair, I could donate a lot more if it was put into several ponytails as opposed to just one. He seemed to know what he was talking about so I agreed and away we went. I think there ended up being six braids, which made me look like some sort of low-rent gangsta rap wannabe, so ladies and gentlemen, the newest member of Bone Thugs n' Harmony: Elby-Bone!!!
Can you sense the trepedation, the inner-turmoil, the deep theological conflict? No? Well neither can I. Anyhoo, the stylist Ofir and his assistant Nicole were very sweet (Nicole was the photographer) and made me feel very comfortable. Ofir explained that if I was going to donate my hair, I could donate a lot more if it was put into several ponytails as opposed to just one. He seemed to know what he was talking about so I agreed and away we went. I think there ended up being six braids, which made me look like some sort of low-rent gangsta rap wannabe, so ladies and gentlemen, the newest member of Bone Thugs n' Harmony: Elby-Bone!!!
Yikes. So finally the moment of truth had arrived. Scissors were about to touch my head for the first time in two years... 
AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!! Once the initial freakout was over (and it really only lasted a second) I sat back and let Ofir do his thing, chopping off my hair braid by braid until they were all gone and I was left holding them like some sort of demented hunter with his prey (and I really do look demented don't I!). 
Now came the real challenge. Making something of this thatch left on my head. To his credit, Ofir did everything in his power to turn it into something decent, and although I don't think the picture shows it so well, I am quite please with the results. Except for the fact that I am now more aware of the largeness of my ears, but that's not Ofir's fault (I don't think). If I look a little strange (or more stange than normal) it is because I think at this moment I was thinking to myself "holy shit, i have no hair" followed shortly by, "what is that weird feeling on the back of my neck...oh right, air."
So that is my hairowing tale. More to come soon. Much love to all. Peace.
Segal
Monday, June 18, 2007
The first ten days
So rather than try and make a bunch of mini-posts talking about my first ten days in Melbourne (hence the oh so creative title) I figure I will just put it all in one spot. So here goes, random thoughts:
Everything sounds better with an Aussie accent (although to them, I'm the one with the accent)
Driving on the other side of the road is not as hard as I thought
Remembering to get in the car on the correct side is a lot harder than I thought
The whole car is backwards from what i'm used to, so i have repeatedly turned on my windshield wipers instead of my turn signal
It doesn't matter which side of the road people drive on, most people on the road are idiots
Good first impressions: this past Friday I went to teach some Shabbat songs to an eighth grade class and while I had the guitar slung over my back, I leaned down to pick up something, and got full-on whacked in the face with my own guitar. Swift.
Later on, in the evening, I was in my apartment juggling. i have brought with me what are called 'exerballs', basically weighted juggling balls of about 1.5 lbs each, and so I was juggling those and somehow, and i'm still not sure how exactly this happened, managed to drop one of them, while standing, onto my 'happy place'. If you are having difficulty visuallizing this, imagine taking a one pound package of sugar (or something similar) and dropping it on your (guys) or someone elses (ladies) junk. Owie.
The apartment (aka flat) that I am staying in was previously occupied by an elderly woman. The decor has not changed. It is a little weird to look around 'my' apartment and see doilies (sp?) and ceramic figurines all over the place. I have this strange urge to put plastic over the furniture....
I went to my first Aussie Rules Football game (aka footy) last weekend. Its kind of a chaotic mix of soccer, American football and basketball, but it is really fun to watch and I am quickly becoming a fan.
Despite the fact that I have only been watching the sport for a week, it has not stopped me from criticising what I see as poor play when I catch a bit on tv. like I have a clue.
A lot of the songs that are used in services are familiar, but often tweeked just enough so that inevitably at some point in the song I am singing the wrong thing
I walked into a random cafe last weekend and discovered it was run entirely by Israelis. I got to carry out my whole transaction in Hebrew. It was awesome. The coffee was good too!
The Simpsons and Family Guy are regular tv programs here. Hell yeah.
I know I am on my way to becomming a rabbi because in my very first sermon I said something that pissed someone off, but they asked someone else to tell me. In all fairness, it wasn't even my thought, it was Mark Twains, so why are they bitching at me?
The area that I live in is affectionately (I think) referred to as the ghetto, the shtetl or the bagel belt depending on who you ask. Jews everywhere.
There is a large Orthodox community in Melbourne, enough so that when I walked to synagogue last Saturday, I felt a bit like I was back in Jerusalem. Lots of black hats.
Sadly most of the people I passed did not return my 'good shabbos' greeting. but it made the few that did that much nicer.
the Dali Lama has been hanging out around Australia for a week or so. He is on tv a lot. I need to try and laugh as much as he does.
I think thats all I've got for now.
peace.
Everything sounds better with an Aussie accent (although to them, I'm the one with the accent)
Driving on the other side of the road is not as hard as I thought
Remembering to get in the car on the correct side is a lot harder than I thought
The whole car is backwards from what i'm used to, so i have repeatedly turned on my windshield wipers instead of my turn signal
It doesn't matter which side of the road people drive on, most people on the road are idiots
Good first impressions: this past Friday I went to teach some Shabbat songs to an eighth grade class and while I had the guitar slung over my back, I leaned down to pick up something, and got full-on whacked in the face with my own guitar. Swift.
Later on, in the evening, I was in my apartment juggling. i have brought with me what are called 'exerballs', basically weighted juggling balls of about 1.5 lbs each, and so I was juggling those and somehow, and i'm still not sure how exactly this happened, managed to drop one of them, while standing, onto my 'happy place'. If you are having difficulty visuallizing this, imagine taking a one pound package of sugar (or something similar) and dropping it on your (guys) or someone elses (ladies) junk. Owie.
The apartment (aka flat) that I am staying in was previously occupied by an elderly woman. The decor has not changed. It is a little weird to look around 'my' apartment and see doilies (sp?) and ceramic figurines all over the place. I have this strange urge to put plastic over the furniture....
I went to my first Aussie Rules Football game (aka footy) last weekend. Its kind of a chaotic mix of soccer, American football and basketball, but it is really fun to watch and I am quickly becoming a fan.
Despite the fact that I have only been watching the sport for a week, it has not stopped me from criticising what I see as poor play when I catch a bit on tv. like I have a clue.
A lot of the songs that are used in services are familiar, but often tweeked just enough so that inevitably at some point in the song I am singing the wrong thing
I walked into a random cafe last weekend and discovered it was run entirely by Israelis. I got to carry out my whole transaction in Hebrew. It was awesome. The coffee was good too!
The Simpsons and Family Guy are regular tv programs here. Hell yeah.
I know I am on my way to becomming a rabbi because in my very first sermon I said something that pissed someone off, but they asked someone else to tell me. In all fairness, it wasn't even my thought, it was Mark Twains, so why are they bitching at me?
The area that I live in is affectionately (I think) referred to as the ghetto, the shtetl or the bagel belt depending on who you ask. Jews everywhere.
There is a large Orthodox community in Melbourne, enough so that when I walked to synagogue last Saturday, I felt a bit like I was back in Jerusalem. Lots of black hats.
Sadly most of the people I passed did not return my 'good shabbos' greeting. but it made the few that did that much nicer.
the Dali Lama has been hanging out around Australia for a week or so. He is on tv a lot. I need to try and laugh as much as he does.
I think thats all I've got for now.
peace.
Is this thing on?
Hi all! I am going to try and post on this thing regularly, although I can't promise that it will always be interesting. Sometimes I am sure I will have something to bitch about, or some story to convey, but other times I may just pop some random thought or brief anecdote on here, just because I can. If anyone who reads this wants to comment on something I say than feel free, but be prepared for a response. Toodles.
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