Divine or not Divine, that is the question.

This is a sermon I gave last Saturday (August 11, Parshat Re'eh). As always, I welcome any questions, comments or curses. Peace.

“Do not consider a thing as proof because you find it written in books: for just as a liar will deceive with his tongue, he will not be deterred from doing the same thing with his pen.” What kind of cynic would make this kind of statement? Surely this must come from some kind of revisionist historian, or post-modern elitist. It certainly wouldn’t come from Jewish tradition; a tradition that not only prizes books and literacy but also structures itself based on books. It may come as a surprise then, that not only does this quote come from a Jewish source, but from perhaps the greatest scholar of Jewish history: Moses ben Maimon, better known as Maimonides or Rambam. The Rambam, for all of his traditional Jewish beliefs and practices, was also a philosopher who set reason and rational thinking as one of his highest values. His writings both inspired and angered those around him, so much so that his seminal philosophic work: Guide to the Perplexed was burned by segments of the Jewish communities of medieval Christian Spain. For all of his emphasis on reason, however, Rambam was not always able to apply it to Torah. In fact, this has been a trend amongst scholars for centuries, in that they have not been able to apply rational thinking to traditional Jewish texts.

For example, in our parshah today, we find a brief discussion of the Pesach sacrifice. Now this sacrifice is also mentioned in Exodus, however there are a couple of subtle but interesting differences between the two texts, which are essentially ignored by the sages. In Deuteronomy 16:6, it states that the Pesach offering should be done, “in the evening, at sundown, the time of day when you departed from Egypt,” yet when we look at the Exodus account in chapter 12 verses 29 and 31 we find that it says, “in the middle of the night the LORD struck down all the first-born in the land of Egypt…. He (Pharaoh) summoned Moses and Aaron in the night and said, ‘Up, depart from among my people, you and the Israelites with you!’” So we can see a slight discrepancy in this case, but there is another, more glaring difference between the two texts. In Deuteronomy 16:5-6 it states, “You are not permitted to slaughter the Passover sacrifice in any of the settlements that the LORD your God is giving you; but at the place where the LORD your God will choose to establish His name, there alone shall you slaughter the Passover sacrifice….” This seems pretty straight forward, right? One sacrifice, wherever God says. But when we look at the Exodus passage, we find that in chapter twelve, verse three it says, “Speak to the whole community of Israel and say that on the tenth of this month each of them shall take a lamb to a family, a lamb to a household.” So wait, is it supposed to be one sacrifice per house, or one for everybody?

This is not the only example of an inconsistency in our Torah, in fact there are quite a few. So what are we, as modern, progressive Jews to do with this? Should we accept the divinity of Torah and, as the rabbis have traditionally done, found a way to explain away the various discrepancies? Or should we take the path laid out by modern biblical scholarship, which questions the divine nature of Torah?

If we take the creation of Torah out of the realm of the divine, where does that leave us? Does it simply become a collection of stories compiled and edited to create a sense of narrative? Is it simply a window into a particular time and culture? Do we diminish the special nature of Torah if we view it as a human creation as opposed to divine revelation? There are many who would say yes, that is exactly what happens. They say the holiness of Torah stems from its divine origin and when you remove that divinity, all that’s left is just a book. I would argue, however, that there is another path. I do not accept the Torah’s account of revelation and the more Torah I study, the more I have difficulty even accepting divine inspiration. Yet here I am, having dedicated myself to God, Israel and Torah for my career and my life. How do I reconcile this?

I do not accept the divinity of Torah, however I believe strongly in the holiness of Torah. I believe that Torah is holy because for thousands of years it has served as the foundation of Jewish life, the backbone of Jewish existence. I believe that Torah is holy because my great, great, great, great, great grandparents read the same words that I read today. I believe Torah is holy because so many of the ideas expressed in Torah are intended to inspire holiness in us so that we may inspire holiness in others. To me, this is the beauty of Torah. I do not need to accept God in a cloud on top of a mountain to love and cherish Torah. I love and cherish Torah because of Torah itself, not where it comes from. I urge that all of us here today be able to treasure Torah because of the wisdom it provides and the history it represents, no matter where it may have come from. Kein yehi ratzon.

Reform Judaism and the GLBT community

So I just read in Haaretz on-line http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/893859.html that the Reform movement has put out a...well I'm not sure what to call it, manifesto? Working guide? Mission statement? Anyways, they put out this 500 page thing that discusses the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender (GLBT) community, part of which included blessings for a sex change opperation.

While I am certainly strongly in favor of including the GLBT community in Jewish life in the same ways as anyone else (including marriage!) my initial reaction to the blessings for a sex change' bit was...I guess exasperation is probably the best way to describe it. I have some trouble with this idea of a blessing for a sex change, but I don't know why.

When I think about it rationally it makes perfect sense. If I believe (as I do) that we do not choose who we are attracted to (i.e. I never chose to be heterosexual, I just am) than it is only fair to take that argument the next step (or maybe this is actually the previous step) and say we do not choose our gender. In turn, it is perfectly reasonable that someone could be born with 'the wrong parts' or feel that they are trapped in the wrong body, a body they did not choose and in turn a life that they did not choose and does not fit who they are. If I accept this (and the logical/rational part of my brain does) than it seems appropriate that there be a blessing for a sex change opperation, just like there are blessings for other opperations or health related things.

That being said, there is something about a blessing for a sex change that just seems odd. That is probably an expression of my ignorance as much as anything else. All the same, as a Reform Jew and future Reform rabbi I am a bit uncomfortable with the Reform movement taking this kind of official stance on the matter. Not only because of my personal discomfort with it, but also because I worry that we are going to put ourselves 'outside the fold' if we haven't already.
I know, I know...it is important to take a stand on controversial issues even if it is an unpopular stand, but my fear is that if the Reform movement is not careful we are going to become irrelavent, because no one will take us seriously. I think for a lot of American Reform Jews this is a hard thing to grasp, because we are the dominant stream of Judaism in America. Outside of the U.S, and maybe Canada and England, Reform/Progressive Judaism is a minority stream. It is in those cases where we are the minority that there is the most danger. Aside from the fact that this kind of decision would discourage some people from Reform/Progressive Judaism (it would probably encourage some as well, but my assumption is that outside the US, maybe inside the US too, more would be discouraged than encouraged), it also becomes an issue for cooperation with the other streams. It is hard enough to get an Orthodox rabbi to sit with a Reform rabbi for any kind of meaningful Jewish event (and of course it could only be a male rabbi), would this kind of decision make that even more difficult if not impossible? What about Conservative rabbis? The Conservative movement only recently began to accept GLBT students to their seminaries, is it going to be comfortable working with the Reform/Progressive movement on other Jewish issues, knowing that this is a part of the Reform platform? Will this issue be something that the Orthodox and Conservative point out to people who are searching for their place in the Jewish world as a negative? 'You don't want to be a Reform/Progressive Jew, they have no respect for Jewish law or tradition and will allow anything, for example...'

I have no conclusion, I just read the Haaretz article and wanted to share my thoughts on it. Toodles.

With age comes wisdom?

So Saturday night I was invited to go to another footy match. While I was there, I heard the following statement, from what appeared to be a smallish, frailish, elderly woman regarding the events on the field:

"Kill the fucker you bloody bastard!!"

Ahhhhh, the wisdom of my elders.

A Theological Dilema

So I am personally opposed to cremation for Jews. The theology that has developed within me over my life is such that I find cremation to be at least problematic if not outright wrong. With that in mind, I was recently approached (as in about 15 minutes ago) to officiate at a cremation funeral. I had asked for the opportunity to officiate a funeral or two while I was here, since it is something I have never had to do before and feel like it is an important area to gain some experience. So my colleagues thought that I would welcome this opportunity, especially because the situation is one that is relatively straight forward (the death was expected, no known family issues, etc.).

I had about 10 minutes to make a decision, during which time I spoke with the senior rabbi here. I felt a bit pressured to take on the funeral. Whether the pressue was real or imagined is, of course, impossible to tell. Regardless, I felt a certain amount of pressue to accept the funeral, as it was 'offered' to me largely because of my standing request to have more experience.

I decided to do the funeral.

Why?

Aside from any 'peer pressure' that may have been there, in the end I decided that it is not fair for me to express my distaste for cremation or the accompanying service if I have never actually done one. In some ways, I am taking this on to reinforce my beliefs. Having actually done a service like this, I would be able to say with greater authority that I find them problematic (or worse).

Despite this rather creative act of rationalization, I can't help but feel like a hypocrite and a sell out. Is this the kind of rabbi I'm going to be? The kind that caves in to communal pressure this easily? I feel like shit about it to be honest. I feel like I have let myself down. I like to think that I'll take some sort of lesson from this whole exprience, that it will teach me how crappy it makes me feel to give up my priciples. On the other hand, maybe it will just show me how much easier it can be to have no spine.

Of all the gin joints...

So last night (Thursday for me) I really felt like going out and having a beer. Nothing major, just to go chill and maybe read and people watch and drink a good beer. It was pretty frickin' cold, so I didn't feel like wandering around all over the place, and was trying to think of where to go, when I remembered that there was a place near me that looked pretty low key so I decdided to go check it out.

I get there and walk inside and immediately sense that something is amiss, mainly because I don't see a bar, only a middle-aged woman sitting at a desk in what appears to be some kind of lobby. I think she senses my confusion and so she asks, "Can I help you hon?" I explain that I had been looking for a place to get a drink and had just wanted to check this place out.

Me: "So, um, what is this place?"

Lady: "Oh, its a brothel"

Me: "(deep swallow), um, a what?"

Lady (who must have thought I was either some kind of moron or a nice, pure and innocent young man, or both. Personally, I'd like to think I'm neither): "You know, a brothel, you know what that is right?"

Me: "Of course! I mean not of course, but, well, yeah, I know what it is"

Lady: "So can I help you with anything?"

Me: "Uh, no thanks, I think I'll have to pass"

Lady: "Are you sure? If you'd like you can take a look at our services and meet some of the girls in case you see someone you like or would like to come back."

Me: "Well that's very kind of you, but no thanks" [Exit stage left]

I feel like I should explain that prostitution (and in turn brothels) are legal in the state of Victoria, in which Melbourne is located. This is a fact I was aware of. Despite that, I never would have expected to wander into a brothel in the middle of super-Jewish suburbia. Not that I think Jews don't dig on brothels, I'm sure there are plenty who do, but I generally think of brothels as kind of being on the outskirts of places, not around the corner from where I do my laundry.

I never did get my beer that night. When I got home though, out of curiosity (seriously, it was only curiosity...really!!) I decided to see if this place had a web page, again showing my naivite by thinking they wouldn't, but lo and behold (or maybe in this case ho and belold?) they do. So if you are interested (only out of curiosity of course, and there is nothing explicit unless you consider the very idea of prostitution explicit) check out: www.club859.com.au and you can see what I saw (they have pictures of the outside and the lobby).

Thats my story.

Yisrael Binyamin Jankovic

So this is a little out of sequence, but my nephew's brit (circumcision) was yesterday and so his name was finally made public (see title). It was hard not to be there, but my family called me and I got to talk with everyone, and it was recorded so I will be able to see it when I get back stateside. I have been trying to think of what I will actually call him, because Yisrael is too many syllables, and every kid needs a nickname. I am currently debating between Izzy and Ra-Ra, but if anyone has suggestions I am happy to hear them.

Oh, if you want to see pictures, go to my sister and bro-in-law's blog:

http://zevandchaiya.blogspot.com

No one to tell

So I am pretty dedicated to the idea of working abroad once I get ordained, however I got my first real taste of how potentially difficult it could be during the conference. Around midnight my time on Wednesday/Thursday I got a call from my dad telling me that I had a nephew! I was so happy and excited, and then I realized that I had no one to share it with. There was no public phone nearby and I can't make international calls on my mobile. I was standing in the dark, alone, bursting with joy. It was a weird feeling. Its the first time in a long time that I actually felt lonely.

What the @#$% was that?!

During the JCMA conference I was awoken by this very odd noise. It sounded ...

okay a quick aside. the maintenance guy just came by and asked if by next Friday i could, "look a bit scroggier" (I'm in a suit if you can believe it) because I remind him of the Mormons that go around knocking on peoples doors. Who in their right mind would have ever imagined that someone would have to ask me to look 'scroggier'.

Anyways so I heard this noise, and it sounded a bit like maniacal laughter, and my very first thought (seriously) was, "i didn't realize there were monkeys in Australia".

I found out later that it was a kookaberra (sitting in an old gum tree for you GUCI folks), this bird that sounds like the offspring of a screech monkey and a hyena and looks like a pigeon. I don't know if you can see it in the picture, but...

Meeting Muhammed

On the Monday following my rugby outing I left for what is called the JCMA Conference. JCMA stands for Jews Christians and Muslims of Australia, and this was their 'big' yearly conference. I put big in quotes because there were only about 80 people there, but it was the biggest one they've had yet.

As someone who has never been especially interested in interfaith work I was expecting a kind of I'm-okay-you're-okay-happy-sappy-pc-bs-lovefest, which is the impression I have gotten of a lot of American interfaith work.

The conference took place at a Catholic college called Pallotti (not to be confused with Pilates) about 1.5 hours outside Melbourne, essentially in the middle of nowhere. This is the view from the college.

The first person I met when I got there was Muhammed, a Malaysian Muslim in his early thirties studying in Melbourne for his PhD in Islamic Philosophy. He seemed like a nice guy, and we found out that we would be roomates for the next four days. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that, but I figured I would go with the flow and see how things turned out.

The conference itself turned out to be a far more powerful and productive experience than I ever could have imagined. As opposed to the pc-bs approach that I was expecting, there was a real desire amongst the participants to engage in dialogue in the truest sense. People asked me questions about Judaism and challenged some of my ideas, especially about Israel. I had an opportunity to ask praciticing Muslims and Christians about their faiths, and raise questions about ideas that I either didn't understand or didn't agree with. The whole atmosphere of the conference was one of openness, including openness to disagreements and debates. In large groups we addressed some contentious issues like the legacy of the Crusades, who owns Abraham and whether there is currently a clash of civilizations between Islam and the West. In the small "cluster groups", these issues continued to be addressed, but more often than not we took opportunities to raise other issues that were on our mind. These ranged from whether the Hebrew Bible and Quran are the word of God, and if not how might that affect Jews, Christians and Muslims to the Israel-Palestinian conflict (which I brought up, and actually had the chance to lead a session on). It was the first time for me that I felt comfortable really challenging people of other faiths on their beliefs, without fear of offending or starting a fist fight and it was wonderfully enlightening and energizing. These are some of the attendees.

As important as the large group sessions and cluster groups were, where I learned the most was in my room with Muhammed. Each night, when we got back to our rooms to go to sleep, he and I would talk about all sorts of issues of religion, politics and philosophy (to be fair, he did most of the talking about philosophy). This is where I feel like I really gained an greater understanding of Islam and was able to explain various aspects of Jewish thought and observance to him. We also spent several hours one night talking about the Israel-Palestinian thing. I/we get such a skewed view of Muslims and Islam in the States, it was great to be able to sit with someone who is a practicing and knowledgable Muslim and hear honestly what they think and what their religion actually says. It was a very powerful experience for me and I hope he and I can keep in touch to continue our conversations and keep learning from each other.

Beating the All Blacks (but not in an LAPD way)

So the past ten days or so have been the best and most intense I have had since getting here. I will fill in as I go, but rather than try and stick it all in one big-ass post, I am going to try and go chronallogically (sp?) beginning with two weekends ago. So here it goes....

I had a really nice Friday night Shabbat dinner at the home of a family of a congregant. This particular congregant is the young member of the board and very active and so I was looking forward to the meal. It was a lot of fun, I was one of two guests (the other being another American, Dan Levin from St. Louis, anyone know him?) with a bunch of family. One of the things that I have been discovering but for what ever reason was more noticeable to me in this setting is that due to the nature of my position/title/whatever, people are actually interested in what I have to say, even when I clearly have no idea what I am talking about (which you lot know is most of the time). It is kind of a weird feeling to have people you don't know look to you for opinions on things and actually give a damn about what you say. I'm not sure I like it...okay who am I kidding I do like it because in theory I can say rediculous things and people respond, "hmmm, that's very interesting" or "what a unique approach" when we both know I'm full of shit. Also I have on occassion been in love with the sound of my own voice (shocking I know) and this provides plenty of chances for me to expound on just about anything. I will ask that if any of you ever hear/see me getting into this state, please poke me with a sharp stick or something equivalent so that I might ween myself off of this ego-encouraging brew.

Anyhoo, at this dinner, Dan (the other American) told me that there was a major rugby match the next night between Australia (the Wallabies) and New Zealand (the All Blacks). This match is actually listed on the Sports Illustrated 101 sporting events to see before you die, so not being dead yet, I figured I should take advantage of the opportunity. I'm glad I did. It was a great atmosphere and everyone was really into it. Even Dan and I got into it, despite the fact that neither of us had any real clue as to how the game is played (but as related in a previous post, when has that ever stopped me). I should take a minute and inform you that the All Blacks are a heavy favorite to win the Rugby World Cup, and there is a real serious rivalry between Australia and New Zealand, with rugby being one area where NZ has bested the Aussies on a regular basis. So the fact that Australia actually won was a huge upset! We went out afterwards and found the bars packed with rugby folk and enjoyed a pint or three. I learned during this outing that asking "whats on draught" is actually a request for a Carlton Draught but "what's on tap" is the appropriate question for finding out what beers are actually on tap...i'm writing this and I still feel like a moron two weeks later. oh well. so that was that.

Shields of Laughter

This is the sermon I gave this past Friday (June 22). It has not been altered to fit your screen nor has it been edited for content. Special thanks to Rabbi Joel Simon who let me mooch some of his ideas.

A man is out in the woods when he comes across a bear. Frightened for his life, he runs as fast as he can to escape the bear and hides in a cave. He is horrified to find that the bear has run after him into the cave, and now the man is trapped. He closes his eyes and begins to recite "Sh'ma Yisrael" in anticipation of his final moments. When he is finished, he opens his eyes and is surprised to see the bear in front of him with his eyes closed - also praying. The man thinks to himself "how lucky am I to be cornered by what must be the only Jewish bear! We're mishpocheh - I'm saved!" And then he listens more carefully to the bear's prayer "hamotzi lechem minhaaretz"

Whether or not you found this particular joke funny, we cannot deny the place of humor and laughter in Jewish tradition. There have been many proposals as to why Jews seem to always be involved in the comedic arts, no matter what the circumstances. In my opinion, the best explanation comes from a very unlikely source, American novelist Tom Robbins. In his book “Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climate” (yes that is actually the name of the book), one of the main characters talks about laughter as a physical force and that one can “fashion a shield out of laughter.” This is essentially what Jews have done; we have used laughter as a means of protecting ourselves emotionally and spiritually even in the most difficult situations. There may be no better example of this than a poem written by Rikle Glaser, a prisoner of the Vilna Ghetto:

The Jewish laughter
Contains so much pain.
When weeping is of no help,
One laughs as much as he can,
Although the heart would cry with pain.
We are laughing
As long as we will live
Let your laughter sound far.
So hope the time is near,
When you will laugh
From the depth of your heart always.

Laughter has power. One might argue that the importance of humor and laughter in Jewish laugh is only a modern development; however even in the Talmud we find evidence of laughter’s importance. We read in Tractate Ta'anit the story of the Amora, Rabi Beroka.[1] Rabi Beroka used to frequent the shuk at Bei Lefet. Elijah the prophet would often appear to him, and Rabi Beroka once asked him if there was anyone in the marketplace destined for Olam ha-ba, the world to come. Elijah pointed out three people in the shuk who were assured of this eternal reward. One was a man who had no tzitzit, and appeared not to be Jewish. Rabi Beroka was surprised and asked the man what he did. He found that the man was a jail guard who risked his life to save Jewish women who were at risk of attack from their non-Jewish oppressors. He also hid his Jewishness from these oppressors so that they would tell him of upcoming decrees against the Jews so that he could notify Jewish leaders and work to annul the decrees. Elijah then pointed to two other men who were guaranteed a place in olam ha-ba. Rabi Beroka asked the two men, “what do you do?” to which they replied, אנשי בדוחי אנן, מבדחינן עציבי, we are comedians, and we cheer up those who are depressed. Making people laugh is comparable, according to the Talmud, with saving lives!
The rabbis were way ahead of their time on this one. More and more scientific and medical studies are being published that show that laughter can in fact make us healthier in general and in some cases help fight serious illness. Researchers at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore, have discovered laughter can help keep your heart healthy. Dr. Michael Miller, indicated people should combine regular exercise with 15 minutes of laughter a day for good cardiovascular health. "It is conceivable that laughing may be important to maintain a healthy endothelium, and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease," said Miller. The initial results of a five-year study at the School of Medicine, University of California Los Angeles (UCLA), show that regular injections of humour are particularly beneficial for children with cancer and Aids. Increasingly, studies are demonstrating that laughter and humour boost immunity, diminish pain and help people deal with the stress of life. Just a few fun experiences a week will elevate feel-good serotonin levels and help boost your immune system and improve your health. With this in mind, I would like for all of us to take a moment and turn to the person next to you and tell them a joke, or do something to try and make them laugh. Go ahead.

A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"
As we enter into Shabbat and beyond, may we find many opportunities to laugh, chuckle, giggle, snicker, hoot, snort, cackle, chortle and guffaw and may our shields of laughter be strong




[1] Ta'anit 22a

Hot Mustard, Mexican Shabbat, Earl Grey and more!!

So as indicated by the title, this is another collection of thoughts and experiences from the past few days.

I have gotten used to things in the states that advertise themselves as "spicy" and/or "hot" to be generally relatively unimpressive spice-wise. Despite this, spicy mustard is currently my favorite condiment, so when I saw a jar of English Hot Mustard in the store, I figured it was worth purchasing. Since American "hot" is generally not-so-much, I figured how much the more so for English "hot", since the Brits are not exactly renowned for their spice. So I made a sandwich, slathering my bread with the mustard, and took a big tasty bite, upon which I discovered
FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE IN MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING MY TOUNGE IS SCALDED!! AAUUGGHH!!!
Yes, aparently English Hot Mustard is indeed HOT. So much so that I found myself spitting out the sandwich bite and sticking my poor tongue into a cup of cold water (which didn't help) and afterwards pacing around my kitchen doing the sharp inhalation thing people do when they eat something right out of the oven or anytime something is too hot.
In my infinate wisdom, I figured I would get rid of one piece of bread and eat the sandwich in a folded up kind of way, making sure to take smaller bites. Unfortunately I discovered my infinite wisdom does not extend to sandwich eating, and I once again bit off more than I could chew, literally, and had to repeat the above mentioned process, minus the tongue in the water. I eventually finished the sandwich w/o bread (although I'm not sure it still qualifies as a sandwich) and have since been very wary of how much of this toxin I put on any sandwich I have made since.

This past Friday night the main synagogue in Melbourne, Temple Beth Israel, we had "Shabbat Alive" which is their version of "Friday Night Live" or "Rock Shabbat" or whatever its called in your town. It was pretty cheesy. Why do so many of these Friday night services end up being anything but "rock"? Can people not handle a service that isn't centered around Debbie Friedman songs? Ugh. Anyways, following the service there was a 'Young Adults Dinner'. They have this once a month, and it is prepared by volunteers who choose a theme for the food. This week was Mexican Cantina (it is kind of funny because Mexican food is hard to come by around here, but Malaysian food, or Dutch-Indonesian fusian is avaiable on most blocks). I was a bit apprehensive about what the results would be, but it turned out well, largely because I had no part in the cooking.

Saturday night I had my first real "going out" kind of night. One of my co-workers who is around my age, her fiance and a bunch of their peeps were going to hear some music and invited me along. The bar was super cool, it had a nice cozy feel to it and Guiness on draft so I was quickly won over. Sadly I can't say the same for the musicians. There were three solo performers, all of whom played guitar and sang songs that surely had some sort of deep and/or tragic meaning that I didn't get. They were all okay, but kind of boring. The 'main' performer of the night was some dude who goes by Earl Grey but he was not nearly as good as the tea whose name he stole.

I don't know so much about the situation, but I have heard that there are a set of parents who got sentenced to two years in jail for serving alcohol in their home to their sixteen year old son and a few of his friends. Unless there is some major piece of information about this story that I am missing, this is horseshit. I think this is something that should be applauded and copied. Kids are going to drink. So rather than having teenagers drinking in parks or unsupervised parties, and then (often) getting in the car and driving somewhere, we should encourage parents who are willing, to open their homes for their kids and their friends so that there is at least some level of supervision and control. Instead, we are punishing people who are actually trying to show some common sense and understanding of reality. But then again, when has the US government been interested in either of those things (see: war on drugs). It is interesting to see how it is treated over here. All the people I have heard talk about it on the news think the whole thing is rediculous, including the 21 year old drinking age. You've gotta figure we'll learn one of these days...right?

I'm sure there are other things for me to bitch about, but I'll spare you for now. So until next time, take care and be in touch!!

Peace.

Segal

Hair today, gone tomorrow

So after two years of no haircuts, I had decided in theory to cut my hair. I say in theory, because actually getting myself to get up and go do it was not quite so easy. Wednesday is my day off, and so I had set yesterday as the big day, but found myself hesitating. Those of you who have grown your hair for any length of time can understand my concern, two years of 'work' wiped away in an instant is not something to take lightly. After an hour or so of internal pep talks, I decided to take the plunge and to make a bit of a ceremony out of it. First I went out for a 'good-bye' lunch, during which time I let the hair hang free of its usual ponytail contraint. Since the last time I had my hair cut was in Jerusalem, I felt it was fitting to make its 'last super' falalfel and humus (at the Israeli run cafe of course). After this, it was time to seek out the barber/stylist worthy of this momentous occassion. The first two places I went to were both booked up for the day. Fearing that if I didn't get it done I would lose my nerve, I persevered and found a place that had an opening. I walked in and sat down and the guy says, "so you want I cut your hair?" I said, "yeah, but I want to try and donate it, so if you could just cut it off at the ponytail and then do something with the rest that would be great." He replied, "so, I cut your hair?" It was at this moment that I was overcome with the feeling that this was not the right scene for this heart-rending endeavor, so I jumped out of the chair and bolted (I should have known better than to trust this to a place called 'Cruzin Cutz'). Now mildly distraught, I wondered if this wasn't some sort of Divine whisper telling me to keep the hair, but as I walked down the street, I discovered the "Ofir MeOded" salon, wherein a man with hair very similar to mine appeared to be working. I went inside, and discovered 1. they had an opening, 2. the guy was Israeli and 3. he understood exactly what I wanted. So this is what I looked like at the beginning of this process

Can you sense the trepedation, the inner-turmoil, the deep theological conflict? No? Well neither can I. Anyhoo, the stylist Ofir and his assistant Nicole were very sweet (Nicole was the photographer) and made me feel very comfortable. Ofir explained that if I was going to donate my hair, I could donate a lot more if it was put into several ponytails as opposed to just one. He seemed to know what he was talking about so I agreed and away we went. I think there ended up being six braids, which made me look like some sort of low-rent gangsta rap wannabe, so ladies and gentlemen, the newest member of Bone Thugs n' Harmony: Elby-Bone!!!

Yikes. So finally the moment of truth had arrived. Scissors were about to touch my head for the first time in two years...
AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!! Once the initial freakout was over (and it really only lasted a second) I sat back and let Ofir do his thing, chopping off my hair braid by braid until they were all gone and I was left holding them like some sort of demented hunter with his prey (and I really do look demented don't I!).
Now came the real challenge. Making something of this thatch left on my head. To his credit, Ofir did everything in his power to turn it into something decent, and although I don't think the picture shows it so well, I am quite please with the results. Except for the fact that I am now more aware of the largeness of my ears, but that's not Ofir's fault (I don't think). If I look a little strange (or more stange than normal) it is because I think at this moment I was thinking to myself "holy shit, i have no hair" followed shortly by, "what is that weird feeling on the back of my neck...oh right, air."
So that is my hairowing tale. More to come soon. Much love to all. Peace.

Segal

The first ten days

So rather than try and make a bunch of mini-posts talking about my first ten days in Melbourne (hence the oh so creative title) I figure I will just put it all in one spot. So here goes, random thoughts:

Everything sounds better with an Aussie accent (although to them, I'm the one with the accent)

Driving on the other side of the road is not as hard as I thought

Remembering to get in the car on the correct side is a lot harder than I thought

The whole car is backwards from what i'm used to, so i have repeatedly turned on my windshield wipers instead of my turn signal

It doesn't matter which side of the road people drive on, most people on the road are idiots

Good first impressions: this past Friday I went to teach some Shabbat songs to an eighth grade class and while I had the guitar slung over my back, I leaned down to pick up something, and got full-on whacked in the face with my own guitar. Swift.

Later on, in the evening, I was in my apartment juggling. i have brought with me what are called 'exerballs', basically weighted juggling balls of about 1.5 lbs each, and so I was juggling those and somehow, and i'm still not sure how exactly this happened, managed to drop one of them, while standing, onto my 'happy place'. If you are having difficulty visuallizing this, imagine taking a one pound package of sugar (or something similar) and dropping it on your (guys) or someone elses (ladies) junk. Owie.

The apartment (aka flat) that I am staying in was previously occupied by an elderly woman. The decor has not changed. It is a little weird to look around 'my' apartment and see doilies (sp?) and ceramic figurines all over the place. I have this strange urge to put plastic over the furniture....

I went to my first Aussie Rules Football game (aka footy) last weekend. Its kind of a chaotic mix of soccer, American football and basketball, but it is really fun to watch and I am quickly becoming a fan.

Despite the fact that I have only been watching the sport for a week, it has not stopped me from criticising what I see as poor play when I catch a bit on tv. like I have a clue.

A lot of the songs that are used in services are familiar, but often tweeked just enough so that inevitably at some point in the song I am singing the wrong thing

I walked into a random cafe last weekend and discovered it was run entirely by Israelis. I got to carry out my whole transaction in Hebrew. It was awesome. The coffee was good too!

The Simpsons and Family Guy are regular tv programs here. Hell yeah.

I know I am on my way to becomming a rabbi because in my very first sermon I said something that pissed someone off, but they asked someone else to tell me. In all fairness, it wasn't even my thought, it was Mark Twains, so why are they bitching at me?

The area that I live in is affectionately (I think) referred to as the ghetto, the shtetl or the bagel belt depending on who you ask. Jews everywhere.

There is a large Orthodox community in Melbourne, enough so that when I walked to synagogue last Saturday, I felt a bit like I was back in Jerusalem. Lots of black hats.

Sadly most of the people I passed did not return my 'good shabbos' greeting. but it made the few that did that much nicer.

the Dali Lama has been hanging out around Australia for a week or so. He is on tv a lot. I need to try and laugh as much as he does.

I think thats all I've got for now.

peace.

Is this thing on?

Hi all! I am going to try and post on this thing regularly, although I can't promise that it will always be interesting. Sometimes I am sure I will have something to bitch about, or some story to convey, but other times I may just pop some random thought or brief anecdote on here, just because I can. If anyone who reads this wants to comment on something I say than feel free, but be prepared for a response. Toodles.